Wednesday, February 24, 2010 9:16 PM
Tears within the heart.
Dear Blog ,I want to rant everything out here. Seriously , i have no one to turn to. Well , what else would it be if not that we r fighting. The cause of it , me. Yesterday & today. We fought. Basically , im here working. But i just dnt think i have the mood to work. It sucks oryte. She's off. She's with friends now , enjoying. Even if i said that i dnt fucking care , but i do. When ppl are angry , certain things are being took for granted. Im always wrong , true. A matter of fact , that was the time im being bloody emo & 'angry'. I just cant describe it. I dnt noe. I feel like , i just wanna end this life. Maybe its better. Nobody's goin to be worried. I tried everything. I tried to change. I tried to be who you want me to be. I tried to get rid of the old habits. I've tried. I lied coz i need your attention. I lied coz i need your faithfullness. Most importantly , i lied coz i loveyou. There wont be any reason for me to lied in order for my own self. Tears wont fall for me , but , it tears the heart. I've been living for 18years , i noe it is short. I noe all the tricks & threads of human beings. Im not bragging. This is how life goes. For 18 years , i dnt have a family love , no one understands me , no one supported me , no one even care , my family dont own a car , i came from a broken family & i dnt own a car. You do. I feel inferior to you. I envy the others who have a car , a happy family. I seriously envy you & them. I work my own way. Even though i only known you for how many months , i noe everything bout you. The only things that i dnt like is , when you talk abt your past , theres a guy joining you to whatever event it is. Yes , you said he's okay coz you are a girl. I aint a gay. Anyone wants me , he came looking for me & not the other way round. He'll be my dog , not me. Yes , your off day , i cant control you. Its not even fair , if i were to let u just sit at home. Somethings are better left unspoken. What would you feel if you were in my shoes ? The scene. My off day , i go out with frens , all boys , & girls wanna join us , for sure we will let them join. What you do are all behind closed door. Whatever happens , its behind closed doors. What would feel that way ? This are all possibilities , not thinking nonsense. Reasons of possibilities is there but reasons of impossibilities is not. What would you feel ? I dnt think i can write much longer. Its done for now. Broke down to tears but i will hold it. Losing you will cause me a thousand miles to walk & get you back. But i'll will walk a million miles just to get you back. I promise. No finger crossed.